Posts Tagged ‘Goddess’

10 things I wish I knew when I was 20

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This is an actual blackboard hanging in my house. I have written these 5 points over a period of 24 months, one point at a time as I unwrapped the lessons. I must admit they came during the most difficult trials in my life and maybe that’s why the lessons have stuck so well. I always look forward to my birthday, but also dreaded getting old. I no longer resent old age though, as I have since realized that the older I grow, the more I fall in love with the woman I am becoming. A lot of people have not made it this far, which means I have survived everything life has thrown at me up to this point. Below are the 10 things I would tell to my 20-year old self, being a day away from 30, I needed to reflect and take stock at what life has offered me.

  1. Thank God

I have learnt that in my life I have a lot to be thankful for. No matter how dire my situation may have been, I can bet my life that someone is going through far worse and his or her situation is not about change anytime soon. Counting your blessings one by one each day, brings a sense of hope in one’s soul. Gratitude invites more blessing and being alive is one.

  1. The time is NOW

The best time to start or stop doing something is NOW! The present is the best opportunity to live, to grow and be true to your convictions. Procrastinating on progressive decisions is such an injustice to your destiny. Time and chance may not present themselves as they have today. Seize the moment, the opportunity may never come again.

  1. Honor your decisions

Had I stuck to my resolutions when I made them, I would be living my best life right now. But again, putting things off for another day and basking in the comfort of dysfunction is counter-revolutionary to your growth. So you have figured out that a particular activity/relationship is holding you back. Off all the things that are detrimental to you life, you have narrowed it down to that is “one” thing and you are making a decision to change it. Please stick to that resolution daily. It will not be easy, you will forget sometimes, but as soon as you remember your decision, promise yourself once more. This way you learn to trust yourself and build up your self-esteem.

  1. Speak your Truth

A healthy self-esteem is also built up through the ability of speaking your truth. For the longest time I have been unable to express my true feelings with the fear that it might offend the next person or they might appreciate me less. The result was that I would overly commit myself and let the very same people down, including myself. Speaking your truth is also necessary when you speak to yourself and most importantly to God through your prayers. The Lord delights when we are vulnerable and honest to him, because he already knows whats in our hearts anyway. Communication is the most important ingredient in any relationship, be it professional or personal. Being honest with yourself yields the best reward of all. There is nothing more sad than seeing someone believing their own lies. Stay true!

  1. Learn to say No without explaining yourself

If you can’t do something, you can’t, end of story. You don’t need to be rude or apologetic about it. I am one of those people that wanted to please all and sundry and felt the need to explain my decisions all the time, as though people invested some of the years of their lives in mine and I owe them a time account. It is good to be polite and commit wherever possible, but it should never be at your detriment. I have since discovered that whatever I tried to explain to others, I was trying to justify in my own mind. Which means I’m not sure about the choice that I just made. Those who care about you will understand when you cannot show up because they know of the many times you did. You character is not defined by the ability to please, but the level of integrity you abide by.

  1. The world owes you nothing

Not needing to explain myself helped me learn that I actually do not owe anyone anything. Everything I do or say needs to be meaningful and come from my heart. Anything you do with ingenuity is an inconvenience to yourself and a nuisance to others. Likewise nobody owes you loyalty, love, attention or politeness. All these things are done because people want to, and you need to appreciate every single good deed, because you are not entitled to it. Even God himself owes you absolutely nothing, all you have is by Grace. Receive it as such. Life does not owe you success no matter how good you have been. Yes you reap what you sow, but you don’t do good as an investment, you do it because you want to and only then will it come back to you. Expectations lead to disappointments, have none (or as little as possible).

  1. Low self-esteem is not humility

There’s nothing as dis empowering as fake-humility. I have done that a great deal in my life. Treating myself as an option just to appear humble to people who don’t even need my sacrifice. I mistook thinking lowly of myself as the ultimate expression of humility and little did I know that was exactly how the world would perceive me. Humility continues to be the greatest virtue I aspire to, but I bring self-love along. Pride is not attractive on any basis, in fact its like poisoning your own soul and living in delusion. We are on earth and are all equal, lets live there. Give to yourself the love that you would extend to others, you are just as important.

  1. You are not ready for marriage

Marriage is no joke guys! It takes your whole soul and a bit to make it work with your beloved. You need to constantly work on yourself to be better for your soul mate and for the partnership to work. If I knew this, my twenties would have been the most liberating time of my life. I spent a decent part of them stressing about marriage and when it was finally gonna rain on precious me. It is only now do I realize that I have had quiet a lot to work on personally before I could even fathom of someone else entrusting me with their heart and their dreams.

  1. Being “you” is your Super-power

No one can be Noluthando the way I can be. Not now, not ever. That is my super-power. Only I can execute my destiny, tell my story and color the world in a manner that me can do. Everywhere you go, know that you have decorated the place with your rival and you matter. No one can dispute how you are doing you, because frankly only you know how to.

  1. Jesus saves

Not my moral behavior, sweet words, pretty face or lengthy prayers can save my soul, only Jesus can. I gave my life to the Lord in my second year of university and I continue to surrender it daily. Many Christians and non-christians fall into the trap of being their own saviors and some even say that they need to change their lives before they come to God. I have also tried to clean up own messes, only to create bigger ones. The acknowledgement that there is a power higher than you that can help you rise higher is the beginning of wisdom. If you were your own god, you would be running this world. Gradually understanding and absorbing that Jesus is my savior, has helped absolve myself off condemnation, forgive my own errors and renewed my hope for the future.

Overall, I have learnt to accept that I am a work in progress and will continue to be that for the rest of my life. I just need to remain committed to my own development. At the end of it, things will be okay, they always turn out that way. No situation is permanent, not even your weaknesses or deepest fears. Morning always comes, and when it does, take the lessons into your noonday.

“ You have to relentlessly participate in the manifestation of your own blessings”

 

My Soul Is Alright With Me.

I am a child born of love, so let love remain in my heart and my mind. Let love and joy be my friend, give me peace with no end. Let me live with no fear and no shame. Let me begin to see love come alive in my life. Let me feel how it feels to be me!

A longing and pounding in my heart, led me to want so much more out of life. Led me to forgive every hurt, to let go of the past and allow myself to heal every pain.

Now I am free, yes! I hold my head up high. The burden on my shoulder is no longer with me. Now I can breathe, and I feel so much at ease. My soul is alright with me.

Let love and joy, be my friend, give me peace with no end. Let me live with no fear – I don’t want to fear. Let me begin to see love come alive in my life, let me feel how it feels to have joy.

Let me be free from disease. Let my heart feel at ease. Let me know  how it feels to be free.

-Miss Lira

Soul in mind

#003: People that are hard to please

There are some people in your life you will always struggle to please. Not that you constantly seek their approval, but their opinion matters to you so much that you would like them to acknowledge when you have made good efforts. It may be people that we admire/respect, that their congratulatory note will be a massive vote of confidence or it may be people we want to extend our caring emotion towards. Hard to please people come in different shapes and sizes;

Genuine: This person never seems satisfied with whatever stride you have made. They always believe that you can do better. These people actually have a genuine belief in your capabilities and always want to stretch you. Funny enough they will tell you when you have done well, BUT instantly remind you that you can do better. These are usually mentors, teachers, role models, etc… and they often mean well.

Own standards:  Then, there are those people (especially parents), who refuse to honour you until you achieve something greater than they did. You can come back home with 10 CAF stars and they will remind you that they got their 9h star when they were half your age. So this means you must achieve more than that to please them. The thing is; with this type of a hard pleaser is, the goal posts are always shifting. It is now not the fact that you got a 10th star that matters (more than theirs), but it’s the fact that they got their starts quicker than you. With this type you are highly unlikely to win. In some instances they want to live out the dreams they left behind through you. We all have one life to live, be careful when someone wants a second dose of youth at your expense.Confidence

Pull you down:  This is the most dangerous of all the impossible pleasers. This person will make sure that they don’t acknowledge your achievement, purely because they don’t want you to realise how good you are. If you give them too much airtime, they will make sure your self confidence takes the first available train to Mars. Basically these people are just jealous of you and will discourage you, to make themselves feel good about their own lives. RUN.

Insecure: This type of hard pleasers usually occurs in romantic relationships. No matter how much you make an effort to show this person how special they are to you, they will always find something to complain about. You eventually feel like you are not good enough for this person or you are just incapable of loving someone as they deserve. The problem here is not the pink roses or cheap chocolate, the problem is that you are loving someone who doesn’t love themselves. Hence you are being made to fill a void that even the owner doesn’t know how to fill. Ps: Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.

Don’t know how to: This person may be proud of you, but they will never show it. Not because they think it will get to your head, but because they don’t know how to. People were raised in different environments and unfortunately for some -affirmation was never part of their upbringing. And in most cases people cannot give what they don’t have. If you recognise your impossible pleaser to be this type, you need to teach them. Congratulate them and affirm them, don’t demand that they reciprocate it, but if you’re consistent enough, they will learn. Remember: you teach people how to treat you.

I have mentioned quite a few types of people that are impossible to please, I’m pretty sure there are whole of others out there. I only have one solution to dealing with such people: Celebrate yourself!

Don’t always seek the affirmation of others, set your own standards and beat them. Ask yourself: “what would I have to do/get to for me to feel satisfied/proud of my achievement? Don’t matter what anybody says, as long as I get “there” I’m happy”. And when you do reach that point, stop and celebrate. Give yourself a pat on the back so that even if someone else doesn’t celebrate you- you are proud of YOU.

Yes, it is always good to have people affirm and encourage you, but their definition of excellence must never be absolute to you. At the end of the day, they are people with their own imperfections. You do need people to look up to and we all have people whose negative/frank opinions have bettered our lives, but don’t let them define you.

I am a firm believer that: “It doesn’t matter what people think of you, or even what you think about yourself. But what matters the most is what God thinks of you”. Aim to please Him and you can never go wrong!

Remember:  No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.

Act

If you were married, I would understand…

So where was this girl when all of this happened??Differences

“She was there in the room with us”

What? You mean to tell me, this man beat you up in his room with some chick watching the whole show? He most probably met her that very night at a pub and now he comes and upholds her more than you, and you are okay with it?

I somehow felt judgmental when I said this, it’s her business, but then again something sounds very wrong about this picture. It is a random girl after all, maybe if it was the new lady in his life one would understand, but iseqamgwaqo nje sasetshwaleni? Hai no, zero nje! Clearly Ephraim was trying to impress this silly girl when he beat up my best friend; this surely put a stamp on him getting “some” that night.

I could see the shame in Lydia’s eyes when I asked her if she’s okay with it. She kept on zooming her eyes up, and down keeping a small gaze in the middle. Up, gaze, down…, and she didn’t even once look me in the eyes.  And after a few of those, she eventually responded…

“Ok! Before you start giving me a long lecture on morality and the difference between right and wrong, I know a man only respects a woman that respects herself. I shouldn’t have gone to his place that night without letting him know. Yes I was drunk and probably said a lot of things I shouldn’t have said, but I needed to speak to him desperately. He tried to break things off when I confronted him about his cheating 2 weeks ago, but we have been talking via wats app since then, so I thought….”

…you thought what exactly Lydia? That you’re going to rock up one night and things fall into place? Listen here my friend; if a man wants you nothing can keep him away and if he doesn’t want you, nothing will make him stay. You need to stop making excuses for his behaviour and start smelling the coffee. Your relationship is basically non-existent at this stage. If he refuses to change his cheating ways and suggests a break up instead;  you’re still gonna run after him?  And you’re very right about self respect, your baby is barely 6 months old and here you are getting drunk at some tavern at night and running after men!

And the mere fact that you just gave birth to his child should at least warrant you a certain level of respect from him, don’t you think?

“Everything I do, I’m doing for my child can’t you see?  I refuse to allow my baby to be raised by one parent. We will make this work; we have to make this work Tselane. And yes I do realise that our relationship is practically over, but my heart still yearns for him. My love for him is so strong, I’m willing to overlook his mistakes as long as he loves me back and we get things to how they used to be. I know deep down inside he loves me more than anything in this world, I think him having a car now is making him go wild and girls throw themselves at him”

(Silence)

“But in all honesty I do regret that night. I shouldn’t  have went to his house unannounced”

I rolled my eyes. By now I realised this conversation is not getting anywhere, because now fresh excuses are being made for Ephraim. I had to ask decisive questions, just to understand where Lydia’s judgment stood about this beating. What bothers me the most are not her excuses, but her compromised dignity. We live in a very small township and everyone knew she’s been in a relationship with Ephraim for close to 6 years now. This girl that was with them the night of the beating is probably laughing it off somewhere over magwinya and atchaar with Lydia’s haters. It’s bad enough that Ephraim doesn’t respect her, now half of Itsoseng won’t too!  I kept these thoughts to myself. But I had to probe to her “regret”.

Oh, so you say you regret that night? What exactly do you regret? Going to his house drunk, unannounced and saying whatever or do you regret him beating you up infront of another woman? And if it’s for the beating are you going to open a case of assault against him?

“Yho! Tselane nawe you’re taking this issue way too seriously, gosh! I told you I still want to make things work between me and Ephraim, sending him to jail would totally ruin things, plus I don’t need that kind of drama in my life. Besides, he didn’t hit me with his fists and stuff, he used a belt. My body is green all over but my face doesn’t even hint of what happened. It was the first time my man laid a hand on me and punishing him over that one mistake would be cruel nje. I know Ephraim is not the aggressive type.”

I cringed.

Lydia, I would understand overlooking his “one mistake” if you guys were married! But you cannot compromise yourself so much over a paper-less agreement. He is merely a boyfriend, not your husband! Anyway, I can see you’ve already made up your mind about this whole situation and I’m not going to try and convince you otherwise. Do what you think is best for you and your little family. I’ll stay out of it.

End.

 

Do you think Tselani is right about Lydia having the obligation to forgive/overlook  the beating if she was married to Ephraim? And how often should a woman allow physical abuse before she reports it to the police? Maybe Lydia is being too objective about her friend’s situation. Do you think if she was to get a beating from the man she truly loves, she would have seen this situation differently? Lastly do you think Lydia is actually protecting her little girl with her choices?

The bible does call for women to be submissive to their husbands, but in the very same sentence it says: “Husbands love your wives! And from what I know Love doesn’t hurt you. It is kind, does not boast, keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil and does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. It never fails!

What’s your take?

not loveGet help: www.powa.co.za

And HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY 🙂

 

#Ayashisamateki: Distribution

But do you guys remember the awesomeness that is in wearing a new pair of shoes? The entire day you look down at your feet and smile inside each time you do. You even try catch a reflection of yourself just to see hoe good your new shoes look on you. The nostalgia is overwhelming. This past weekend we gave that feeling to close to 120 destitute children. Each time they look down at their feet they will see HOPE.

We set out to distribute the shoe collections to their rightful owners last Saturday, 13 July 2013. Overall we had collected about 250 other pairs of shoes on top of the 96 that was sponsored by Skye Distribution. All the children and teenagers on our list received a Dickies Supa Dupa sneaker. Mothers and dads in the vicinity also got blessed with a pair as . Toddlers shoes also went a very long way, we covered many young ones.supa

 

This was the most fulfilling of the day of my life, I must say. My biggest fear was that they will take the shoes and sell them on the streets, however seeing each one of them falling in love with their pairs was heart-warming. They couldn’t stop looking at their feet. Their old pairs were all rugged out, and the new shoes couldn’t have come at a better time!

 

Our first stop was in Yoeville.

A majority of these children are abandoned by their mothers and are either living with their grandmothers, child headed homes or with neighbours. Some come from a slum house in Becker street.

Everyone paint  boxes

 

The next stop was Mandela bridge

Teenage boys live in this area and have been waiting for these shoes with too much anticipation. This distribution point was the most fun, I must stay and we spent an illegal amount of time there.

35 corner

 

We then hit Joubert Park in the CBD

Girls are the major beneficiaries in this group. This area is drug infested so we had to exercise caution so as to avoid commotion. So we called the beneficiaries out of the park and found a relaxed spot for the distribution (well relaxed if you exclude the taxis, lol)

fav Bona!

 

Then Hillbrow..

This is in a slum house, mothers and their children benefited and we even had babies receiving clothes (from the physical donation, again, thanks guys).

Hello dankie

Our last stop was at the orphanage in Mofolo

Sonke thato

 

For more pictures please see our Facebook Page: Innerheights.

Thank you to Standard Bank employees and friends for the generous cash and shoe donations. Blessed thanks to Skye distribution for the sponsorship, YCL Linda Jabane district, Innerheights foundation and most importantly the Standard bank CIB grads 2013 for championing the project.

Someone might think such a gesture is futile as it doesn’t improve the children’s life  situation. However they don’t overstand  that such people are touched more strongly by love as it is something the lack the most. And LOVE trusts all things and hopes in all things. It is not rude and  is not self seeking.  It never fails.

Blessed Thanks!

#Ayashis’mateki: Thank you!

“AYASHIS’AMATEKI”

 

On behalf of Standard Bank CIB Graduates 2013 and the Innerheights foundation, we would like to; Thank you all very much for the support we have received for the #Ayashis’Amateki initiative!

Today marks the end of our collection period for 2013, and from your generous donations we have managed to collect:

 

  • R 12,340 in cash
  • 30 pairs of Adult sneakers
  • 20 Formal shoes
  • 20 pairs of kiddies shoes
  • 2 pairs of new school shoes
  • A lot of socks!

 

We are also proud to announce that Skye distribution, has volunteered to be our official supplier for the purchase of shoes. The agreement is that they will supply us with Dickies Pro sneakers at cost price, which will make our cash donations go a long way and we can afford brand new shoes for a majority of the children. Overall 96 kids will benefit ( age range: 3 years- 19yrs) from the project, and they are based in the following areas:

 

  1. Braamfontein under the Mandela Bridge (21)
  2. Yeoville by the recreation centre (17)
  3. Joubert Park (18)
  4. Slum house in Hilbrow (12)
  5. Slum house in Becker street, Yoeville (8)
  6. Hope for the helpless Orphanage in Mofolo (21)

 

Distribution

 

Saturday, 13 July 2013, is the official date the shoes will be distributed to the children. This is to allow our supplier time to process the #Ayashis’Amateki order as the sizes required vary. If you would like to be present on the day of the distribution please respond to this e-mail and will forward you the necessary details. The groups will be split, so you will only be required to assist in one venue.

 

With the remaining cash donations we are hoping to give out a cup of soup (and a roll) to the children on the day of distribution. This will give a warm fuzzy feeling (inside and out) to our beneficiaries and make the day even more joyful. And maybe we can throw in an orange for nutrition, compliments of the Bag of oranges Campaign (see on Facebook: The Bag of Oranges Campaign). The formal shoes collections will be donated to the CIDA campus to assist disadvantaged students with Interview gear (further details to follow). Extra shoe collections will be donated to deserving adults living on the streets, that are seeking employment.

 

Once again, thank you for your donations. Love is the strongest force on earth, and we hope our act of love will make a positive impact in these children’s lives.

 

Pictures of the day will be posted on our gallery (www.innerheights.co.za)

 

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN! TOGETHER WE DID ITJ

 

Warm regards,

#AYASHIS’AMATEKI TEAM

You too can make it happen. Why not?

We thought it would never happen, or something will go wrong, or our planning would just not be enough. But it did happen and everything was beyond perfect. I could have been at home watching cartoons (like I do most Saturday mornings), but last week Saturday was something special and I was glad to be a part of it.

Together with the Project Hope ladies, we organized a special lunch for teenage girls from Hope for the Helpless orphanage in Mofolo. You see since Project Hope was incepted, the orphanage has been our beneficiary in terms of donating groceries every month. However we know that a child is not only raised on food, they need love and knowledge that someone actually cares about them. So this was basically to spend some quality time with the girls, to get to know them better, while encouraging them to dream beyond their circumstances. That is why the theme for the lunch was: Living your dream. We tried to make the event as special as possible, from delivering handmade invites with their names on them to giving each one a rose when they entered the event venue.

We were prayerful on the weeks leading up to the event that God prepares the young ladies hearts to receive something and grow from it. Well our guest for the day, made sure of that. We had Thendo (Mpho’s sister) come share her life story with the girls and how she managed to escape rape and death situations to be where she is today. Born of a preacher mother, she was one rebellious teenager and got herself into all sorts of trouble which exposed herself to many horrible things, some of which she is still dealing with right now. But by God’s grace she is now a blooming woman, who has just written her own book and is focusing her life into Social entrepreneurship and living for the Lord. She said, she wishes at her age she had someone caring enough to host an event like that for her and warn her of what life carries ahead.

The girls were encouraged, and I hope they understood that by them growing up in an orphanage might just be a blessing in disguise and God actually cares for them more than they think. We had fun sessions with the young ladies when they shared a bit more about their dreams and what defines them. And let me tell you, those kids are one joyful bunch, some even sang for us! We obviously didn’t have money to finance the entire event, we got young professional ladies to sponsor a girl for lunch. These ladies also brought knowledge to the girls in the various fields, which added more value to the afternoon. I recall Sandra (a medical doctor), saying: “We are encouraging you to be the best you can be, so we can have a coffee break with other black sister doctors”. Yes our desire is make the most out of these ladies and see them thrive and be successful so we can grow our young black professional landscape.

Obviously the event was a once off treat for the girls, as the main concern over their lives right now is food, clothes and decent schooling. But this one thing can remind them how special they are. Knowing that the next time they go to school without lunch money, they know they have a provider who does exceedingly and above than what they can imagine. Even if it’s just once or twice a year.

Sharing on this event is not to place glory on anyone, but God. Yes, I honor the ladies for working relentlessly to make the event a success, but ultimately this showed me that when God gives you a vision, He will bring it to pass. There were so many things to worry about, from the weather to the finances, but He took care of everything. This shows that you don’t need to accomplish xy or z to help someone out. Just heed God’s call inside of you to reach out, and trust Him to do the rest. To think those “special invites” were printed in color on a normal A4 page and wrapped in ribbons that cost R2.50 each. Because we had the heart to make it special, the almighty made a way for it to be.

You just need to desire to help someone out, it may be through kind words, financial assistance or even going to visit the less fortunate. Nothing you do can ever be too little.

A big thank you to project Hope, the ladies who sponsored the lunch, my brother for providing us with transport, the venue people for hosting us, and God for holding up the weather, providing  goodie bags, trusting us with his little ones and giving us the vision.

You too can bless someone, with something. Remember, we are blessed to be a blessing. You are not where you are because you deserve to be, your opportunities could have easily been granted to someone else. And you don’t have to be a millionaire before you can help others. Maybe driving around with a packet of oranges and giving it to the beggars you come across on your way to work could be a start OR you can come together on a monthly basis with colleagues and donate say R100 each and decided how you’re going to help someone out. Just think of a way and you will find it.

If you want to know about Project Hope, or the Orphanage, please go to our new page: From God with Love. I have also profiled a few other initiatives that serve to make a difference in other people’s lives and you can get involved with them if you like.

Izandla ziyagezana.

Just so you know….

This is for all the ladies in unhealthy relationships. Yes, you know who you are, don’t need to a doctor to diagnose your situation. So listen up! If you’re unsure, listen up as well.

This is not a break up post, so guys please don’t hate me; I’m just sharing small basic truths that we as women sometimes forget. Loving someone means you’ll wait for them, but you need to respect yourself too by knowing, if and when it’s time to walk away.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.  
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.  
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. 
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.  
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.  
Slower is better.  
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.  
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve  
then no, you can’t “be friends.”  A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.  
Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.  
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself  
a year later for staying when things are not better.  
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.  
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.  
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,  
Why would he treat you any differently?  
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.  
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.  
If something bothers you, speak up.  
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.  
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.  
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has  
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.  
He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.  
Never let a man define who you are.  
Never borrow someone else’s man.   
If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat ON you.  
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.  
All men are NOT dogs. 
You should not be the one doing all the bending…compromise is a two-way street.  
You need time to heal between relationships: there is nothing cute about  
baggage! deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.  
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you…a relationship consists  
of two WHOLE individuals…look for someone complementary…not supplementary.  
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.  
Make him miss you sometimes…when a man always knows where you are and your’re 
always readily available to him- he takes you for granted.  
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.  
Share this with other ladies….. You’ll make someone SMILE, another  
RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.  
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate   
him, a day to love him, and an entire lifetime to forget him.  
 

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT.

-Author Unknown

Sometimes you have to forget how you feel and remember what you deserve. Remove yourself from situation that no longer honors you. Love yourself enough.

The more stable, confident and self loving a woman is, the healthier will her relationships be.

As I lay still…

I lay still in your tummy

 And you never knew I was there.

I gave you sleepless nights

And morning sickness’s

Yet still you never knew i was there.

Funny cravings and mood swings

Seemed rather usual to you

I gave up trying

All I cud do was lay still in the only home I knew.

I took a small percentage of everything you consumed

Whether gud or bad I had no choice

Finally!

You noticed me

But i heard u say “this can’t be, this baby is a mistake”

But it was too late for you to terminate me.

I shared all your emotions gud and bad

When you cried, I cried

 When you laughed, I laughed.

I kicked and moved in circles hoping you would rub me

But u didn’t.

I grew strong as the thought of me sickened you.

The more u hated me, the more i loved u.

I could move nor kick any further

The time had cum for me to meet you.

I heard him say “push u almost there”

As u screamed your smoke filled lungs out.

I was welcomed by a bright light

And two cold objects holding me on either side.

I cried for i did not know what was happening.

I felt the life line bonding us together being cut off

After being wrapped I was placed in your arms,

For some reason I stopped crying.

This felt right, it felt more like home

But much safer and warmer

I felt your lips on my cheeck and a warm drop of water on my forehead

 All i cud do was blush.

I drank some warm liquid coming from you and slept the whole day next to u.

I felt closer to u than ever.

I drank that warm stuff again

As night approached u laid me right beside u

You spent half the night looking at me,

So did I

But when morning came i was no more.

I had to leave I hope u understand

For now I lay still in your soul

 And still u never knew i was there

By Ntobeko Gaju

Loosing a child is the greatest pain any woman could ever go through. Either the child dies after birth, born still, dies a toddler, or is miscarried. No one bears the pain more than the woman who had that soul growing inside of them. I believe that no one should ever have to go through something like that, but then again, life happens and everything has a reason to it. This type of pain only God can heal because only He can comprehend your hurt, no one else.

If it has happened to you and you ask “why me?” well….why not you? Who do you know that deserves that kind of pain? It’s harsh, I know, but we all have to bear different burdens. I can talk about the pain of a woman who was gang raped or molested several times as a child by different men. Would you have rather had that?

You see when such painful episodes occur, we need to look deep within to find the strength that God has instilled in us as women. We are the apple of His eye and what hurts us, hurts Him. We should never blame Him for the bad things because only goodness can come from Him and He is always there to carry us when we cannot carry ourselves.

A woman’s heart can bury the deepest of pain and yet that same woman will bring joy to all around her. You see our DNA is different from men, we are built with so much strength and gentleness. Only we have the honor to bring life into this earth. Through a very long, difficult and yet sophisticated fashion. To think the lady in the poem, didn’t want the pregnancy and even continued smoking through it. Yet when the child was there, she loved it more than anything in those few hours she had with it. That is a natural quality in us to love our offspring and no man could understand that.

This poem was written by my male cousin , who is a paramedic. Once they helped a young girl of 16 years deliver her baby in the ambulance. Just after giving birth, this girl stood up and said “I don’t want this baby” and she walked away. It will take a very long time for this young girl to heal from those wounds, but at least she gave her baby life. By Ntobeko writing such a poem, it made me realize that men also feel the pain of losing a child. So if you’re going through loss right now, don’t shut yourself out to your partner. He wants to make you feel better while dealing with his own pain as well.

Just know this: Only God can give and take life, you have nothing to do with that. And rest assured that your little one is back in heaven where they belong. Look forward to more blessings in your life and allow God to redeem all that has been lost. Life goes on, that’s what it does.

This woman’s month, let us celebrate the inner strength that we all posses as women.  We are precious and so valuable; we carry so much in our hearts. If you were to ask your mother to share the hurts she has had to stomach in her lifetime you will be depressed for the rest of the year. But she is as happy as happy can be for we have a healer. Only God can heal the pain others can’t reach:  “He leads me beside quiet waters,  He refreshes my soul” (Psalm 23 vs3)

As we celebrate Women’s day, dear woman go search your heart of all the pain undealt with over the years. Bring it to the Lord and ask him to soothe and whiten your spirit. Draw more strength from Him and let go of all the hurt. We know you can handle it, but just not alone.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised-Proverbs 31 vs 30

 

More to a Woman….

God gave the woman’s womb the secret of life, only it can turn a few cells into a full human being. Whichever woman you meet has that blessing and there is always more to her. Think about how you know that your mother is much more stronger than the tribulations she faces, you always know there’s more to her. In that same light you should view every woman you see, from the girl that braids people’s hair on the side of the road, to the one that serves you chips at KFC, the one who sleeps around nalo odlala ama-card all day ekasi. There is always more to them.

The poem below was sent to me by my dear friend Eddie who has always eminated so much respect for me and held me in high regard (which sometimes baffled me but it also encouraged me to value myself more). I remember when we used to go to the Bat Centre, every Thursday while in varsity to listen to poetry and hip-hop rhymes. At that time it was all amusement to me, but God was cultivating the gift he has given to my friend. I consider this as one of his best pieces and I admire the eyes in which a woman is looked at in this poem. And I hope all women see themselves in this light (me included). Enjoy……

There is more to a woman

Some stereotypical ancient writers

From the traditional old-fashioned school of thought

Claimed beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

But what if the beholder was blind

The truth is beyond that raw attractive body

There is always more to a woman

All that junk sexual illusions

And sexual immorality coupled with the feelings of lustiness aside

There is great individual with rare separate divine qualities

To unify the diverse interest of this junk monetary driven society

From the very street kid and prostitute on the street corner

There is a strong goddess who is just a victim of a dysfunctional community

And paradox of sexual abuse

Yes from birth were given an unjust mode

Of treating and dealing with our sisters

This evil world could mould and shape people according to its unrealistic

Production standards

From the very same shebeen queen

There is a divine goddess from within

A pure African diamond with a heart of gold

Yes there is always more to a woman

This junk evil society was built upon a solid blue-print of prejudice and stereotypes

Yes it is a male dominated society but to all my black sisters

It might be hard to reminisce about the future

Where shadows of ignorance and anxiety are the standard feature of this unethical monetary driven society

There is always more to a woman

You might in hospital losing a battle against hiv-aids or tuberculosis remember there is always more to a woman

She might be a domestic worker but through her great spirits and divine wisdom she could bond

Disjointed families like a social worker she is a domestic worker with a knowledge

To send kids to college

There is always more to a woman…..

Shooo, profound ne? If only everyman could look at the women in their lives in such a manner a lot of things would be different, hey. Most importantly IF ALL WOMEN would see THEMSELVES this way, they’d be brave enough to demand the respect they deserve from the male counterparts they interact with. So lady, remember that you are Goddess and there is a lot more to you than meets the eye!

There is always more to a woman….

God gave the woman’s womb the secret of life, only it can turn a few cells into a full human being. Whichever woman you meet has that blessing and there is always more to her. Think about how you know that your mother is much more stronger than the tribulations she faces, you always know there’s more to her. In that same light you should view every woman you see, from the girl that braids people’s hair on the side of the road, to the one that serves you chips at KFC, the one who sleeps around nalo odlala ama-card all day ekasi. There is always more to them.

The poem below was sent to me by my dear friend Eddie who has always eminated so much respect for me and held me in high regard (which sometimes baffled me but it also encouraged me to value myself more). I remember when we used to go to the Bat Centre, every Thursday while in varsity to listen to poetry and hip-hop rhymes. At that time it was all amusement to me, but God was cultivating the gift he has given to my friend. I consider this as one of his best pieces and I admire the eyes in which a woman is looked at in this poem. And I hope all women see themselves in this light (me included). Enjoy……

There is more to a woman

Some stereotypical ancient writers

From the traditional old-fashioned school of thought

Claimed beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder

But what if the beholder was blind

The truth is beyond that raw attractive body

There is always more to a woman

All that junk sexual illusions

And sexual immorality coupled with the feelings of lustiness aside

There is great individual with rare separate divine qualities

To unify the diverse interest of this junk monetary driven society

From the very street kid and prostitute on the street corner

There is a strong goddess who is just a victim of a dysfunctional community

And paradox of sexual abuse

Yes from birth were given an unjust mode

Of treating and dealing with our sisters

This evil world could mould and shape people according to its unrealistic

Production standards

From the very same shebeen queen

There is a divine goddess from within

A pure African diamond with a heart of gold

Yes there is always more to a woman

This junk evil society was built upon a solid blue-print of prejudice and stereotypes

Yes it is a male dominated society but to all my black sisters

It might be hard to reminisce about the future

Where shadows of ignorance and anxiety are the standard feature of this unethical monetary driven society

There is always more to a woman

You might in hospital losing a battle against hiv-aids or tuberculosis remember there is always more to a woman

She might be a domestic worker but through her great spirits and divine wisdom she could bond

Disjointed families like a social worker she is a domestic worker with a knowledge

To send kids to college

There is always more to a woman…..

Shooo, profound ne? If only everyman could look at the women in their lives in such a manner a lot of things would be different, hey. Most importantly IF ALL WOMEN would see THEMSELVES this way, they’d be brave enough to demand the respect they deserve from the male counterparts they interact with. So lady, remember that you are Goddess and there is a lot more to you than meets the eye!